Lam Unfiltered

I'm not sure where I was, mentally when I wrote last. September was a culmination of so many things and emotions - which has blended onto October to a degree - but all I can do is breathe, walk, write and be very gentle with our couple-unit, as we navigate new employment - continue to unwind from the last one - and prepare to hibernate. In September I walked a lot in the forest near my house, sometimes alone but quite often with Adult Offspring or husband. As my anxiety increased, so did my lung capacity and stride. Last night, though, was a warning that ended well, but had the potential to end poorly. I decided to walk, around 6pm. Adult Offspring opted out, and husband was at a meeting with owner of last company, which was the reason for my need to walk. At the railroad tracks before the trail entrance, I saw a man. \He was standing by a shrub holding plastic bags in his hand, and I thought shit - here is one of those decisions I have to make as a woman. Do I walk, or do I tu...

We have made it to August - and it has been a hot summer. Forests are burning in Northern Ontario, communities are on alert for evacuation. It is difficult to imagine down here, where we dwell in the smog and humidity. My mind feels smoggy this week. The aftermath of the gathering for my sister, the intense activity of painting the majority of our house in four weeks. The sadness that comes when things end. The year to date has been a flurry of big tasks. Now the activity has stopped, and I find myself  annoyed and impatient. I am suddenly irritable and very terse. I have had to walk a lot this week. Physically, I am doing pretty well. I am maintaining my core strength I earned carrying 18 lbs across Portugal and Spain. I am walking at least 20 km a week, and have introduced Yoga to help regain some of the flexibility I know I have lost. Desk jobs are the worst for your body. Many workplaces take into consideration that sitting for 8 hours a day is terrible for your core, f...

I am obsessed with two of my toenails; two tiny fatalities from my trek through Portugal and Spain in April. It was my 5 th day walking the Camino Portuguese, and I had to climb a small mountain, really only a hill at 505 metres, but for me it was a mountain. It was raining, and the water coursed down the rocky path I was attempting to climb. My waterproof hiking boots were proving to be not-waterproof.   The path was steep, and I had to move from rock to rock, my heart was pounding with exertion and I felt absolute despair, wondering if my heart would stop and that I would be found soggy and dead, lying in a puddle. I remember thinking that if I died how traumatizing that would be for my family - so I kept on climbing, rock to rock, through the water. My guidebook described the climb as lovely one, and not too difficult. I found it hellish – and I was angry every step. I was angry at my body, for not being young and pliable, and as strong has it had been 20 years – 15 y...

Testing. In April I flew to Portugal and walked the Camino from Porto to Santiago Spain. While I walked I thought of all the changes I needed to make in my life - because we all eventually run out of time. Changes in my home, changes in my habits, changes in my focus. Now I hike after work at least 3 times a week. I walk to the trails near my home - and do a fast 6km up and down hills and steps, through the forest and then the park. All the while I am planning, thinking, pondering. Today is my first day here at Lam Unfiltered. This is my beginning.