Lam Unfiltered

On Saturday we hosted the Memorial for my sister. I have to say, it was a lovely tribute for her - she would have been so happy - she would have had a blast . Nieces and Nephews, sisters, great nieces and nephews - came from far and wide - through terrible weekend traffic - to honour her. I put together a small photo album, with photos from when she was a child, a teenager - a working career woman at the University. I wanted to create a picture of a woman who was more than her addictions - more than a fuck up. I wanted us all to see her at five years old - her life ahead of her - spinning in the sunshine. That photo ended up representing everything about her to me - her free spirit. I wanted them to see her sitting at her desk, smiling - organized and fully functioning. I think I succeeded. I am exactly 10 years younger than Marilyn, we were a family of 5 sisters but she was my only sibling at home, our older sisters married and out the door by 1970. She was the one I would ask...

On Tuesday we drove into Toronto to pick up a couple of boxes my brother-in-law had set aside of my sister's belongings. We also were taking the iron bed we had provided for Marilyn in February when I realized she was sleeping on a mattress on the floor. How sad it was to get there and see the bed made, sheets and all. He said that we were to take it all - sheets - blankets - pillows. I think he couldn't deal with the bed. It was sobering for me to see all her clothes were gone - and all her toiletries, make-up. It was brutal, but such a necessary task for him to complete. I hope her things were donated, but I didn't ask. This has been surreal - seeing how quickly we are erased. We think we leave a mark, but really, once our stuff is gone - where are we? I suppose those of us who have children leave behind memories they have of us. In the boxes he had set aside were a sad mix of jewelry and photographs. It was a mess - like it had been tossed into the boxes. A huge ta...

My sister recently died from an incurable lung disease - Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. She was diagnosed the autumn of 2014. The average person lives around four years after diagnoses, with the lucky ones being approved for and surviving a lung transplant. Although I think ALS is still the most terrifying disease I can imagine living with, Pulmonary Fibrosis is a close second. It progresses in steps. One day you can for example - get in the tub yourself, bathe and get out, and then the next day, you don't have enough energy to get out. Once the disease has progressed there is no backtracking. After coasting for a few years with very little disease advancement, this time last year she began to use oxygen when out and about. Marilyn and her partner were not Internet savvy. They did not have a computer and she had stopped working just around the time that it all became mainstream. If she had been able to research her disease - she would have lived longer. If she had been able to ...