Lam Unfiltered

I'm not sure where I was, mentally when I wrote last. September was a culmination of so many things and emotions - which has blended onto October to a degree - but all I can do is breathe, walk, write and be very gentle with our couple-unit, as we navigate new employment - continue to unwind from the last one - and prepare to hibernate. In September I walked a lot in the forest near my house, sometimes alone but quite often with Adult Offspring or husband. As my anxiety increased, so did my lung capacity and stride. Last night, though, was a warning that ended well, but had the potential to end poorly. I decided to walk, around 6pm. Adult Offspring opted out, and husband was at a meeting with owner of last company, which was the reason for my need to walk. At the railroad tracks before the trail entrance, I saw a man. \He was standing by a shrub holding plastic bags in his hand, and I thought shit - here is one of those decisions I have to make as a woman. Do I walk, or do I tu...

We have made it to August - and it has been a hot summer. Forests are burning in Northern Ontario, communities are on alert for evacuation. It is difficult to imagine down here, where we dwell in the smog and humidity. My mind feels smoggy this week. The aftermath of the gathering for my sister, the intense activity of painting the majority of our house in four weeks. The sadness that comes when things end. The year to date has been a flurry of big tasks. Now the activity has stopped, and I find myself  annoyed and impatient. I am suddenly irritable and very terse. I have had to walk a lot this week. Physically, I am doing pretty well. I am maintaining my core strength I earned carrying 18 lbs across Portugal and Spain. I am walking at least 20 km a week, and have introduced Yoga to help regain some of the flexibility I know I have lost. Desk jobs are the worst for your body. Many workplaces take into consideration that sitting for 8 hours a day is terrible for your core, f...