Lam Unfiltered

I'm not sure where I was, mentally when I wrote last. September was a culmination of so many things and emotions - which has blended onto October to a degree - but all I can do is breathe, walk, write and be very gentle with our couple-unit, as we navigate new employment - continue to unwind from the last one - and prepare to hibernate. In September I walked a lot in the forest near my house, sometimes alone but quite often with Adult Offspring or husband. As my anxiety increased, so did my lung capacity and stride. Last night, though, was a warning that ended well, but had the potential to end poorly. I decided to walk, around 6pm. Adult Offspring opted out, and husband was at a meeting with owner of last company, which was the reason for my need to walk. At the railroad tracks before the trail entrance, I saw a man. \He was standing by a shrub holding plastic bags in his hand, and I thought shit - here is one of those decisions I have to make as a woman. Do I walk, or do I tu...

Life changes hard and fast - especially where the goddess is concerned. Husband accepted an offer on Tuesday, gave notice on Wednesday and I was dismissed from the company in a whirlwind of retaliation. Good changes are in motion. Even when you expect dismissal, and are prepared physically with bags packed and desk clean of all elements of me, the personal rejection still bites. I was raised with old fashioned parents and one of the absolute worst things to happen to a person is to be fired. Now this is hogwash, I know, but there is a certain amount of shame that descended and I've  been walking it out, on the trails. In 24 hours I went from hurt, to sadness, to anger to shame - and the little bit of shame that is left is that I wasted so much of my precious life and time working there. But that too is fading. This has happened in a time where I am toe-dipping into minimalism, and setting aside things that I do not need and do not use, or wear. I think my job was not serv...